Who Drinks This Stuff?

I must go to the wrong bars–or the right ones–because I never see anyone order a complicated drink. Usually it’s beer or a simple cocktail (like myself), but a Long Island Iced Tea, which takes several shots… nah. I think your drink says a lot about what your priorities are.

As an unreformed drinker, I will tell you that everyone has a main drink. They might drink wine, or beer, or hard liquor from time to time, but you have a primary drink that go to when you’re not trying to impress anyone or when you’re by yourself. Now that might not be consistent. Currently, mine is the scotch and soda, but that changes. Occasionally I mix it up with a bourbon and Coke or a gin and tonic (as we approach the summer months), but it generally it’s a simple cocktail.

Now… would I mind a Manhattan or a Gin Martini? Absolutely! But I don’t order those at a bar for one simple reason; the bartender gets it wrong. Even a gin and tonic, which is just three items (gin, tonic, lime wedge), frequently doesn’t come with a lime which makes it… less appealing. If I have to explain the drink, I feel like a douchebag, and if I don’t get what I wanted, I’ve just wasted my money. So I keep the drink simple so someone can’t screw it up.

Often I see many primary drinks like that. If it gets more complicated than a beer, than it’s a screwdriver (orange juice and vodka), or just ordering a shot of fireball with your beer. It also takes longer, so your drink priority gets moved down considerably on a busy night. But I try to avoid those as well.

But that’s my priority; getting the drink to my lips faster. Since so many cocktails are sweet, adding in cordials and fruit juices, the point of them is to mellow the bitterness of the alcohol being served. I guess if you’re younger and you’re trying to get used to the flavor of the booze (but like the effect it has on you), then that’s where a lot of those fruity drinks come into play. “Doing shots” seems to be a much more direct option; how drunk can I get in the shortest amount of time. Again, never quite understood that, since you’re spending a lot of money for a short amount of enjoyment. But maybe that’s why so many shots can be just as complicated as a cocktail. “Irish Car Bomb” comes instantly to mind; Irish Cream, cinnamon liquor, and… something. But if you just down them, what’s the point? Again, they’re just trying to get as drunk as possible so they can party. I’m there to sit a while and have a good time.

So since I go to “old guy bars,” I never see this stuff. I didn’t even get into alcohol until I was 25, so I missed the entire college bar scene. I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it even if I had–old guy bars are quiet, you can have conversations with interesting people, and you can relax. Most people come to bars for “an event,” so maybe those places have a greater concentration of fruity concoctions. But maybe you guys would know better–let me know your impressions in the comments below! Then make your favorite drink and read one of my books. However, if $1.99 is cutting into your beer money, go ahead and download one of my stories for free.