Tag Archives: goofy

Biography with Submission

12 Jan

Phrases you read over and over again sometimes strike me funny–like “Biography with Submission,” which sounded like an erotic novel where a librarian gives into her dark desires. So many things out of context!

I wasn’t surprised when I went on Amazon and found, not one, not two, but seven different erotica based around librarians. I imagine there are lots of sexually frustrated librarians in the world, and not all of them male. 🙂 Often times this happens to me, where I’ll read some boring phrase and think, “Gee, that sounds funny,” and my mind will go off on a brilliant tangent.

“Client Acquisition” – A corporate headhunter is tired of getting rejected for job offers with his company, and in order to make the quota, decides to take things into his own hands. Kidnapping the prospective client, there’s only one way out of this nightmare… take the job!

Hybrid Publishing” – A struggling publisher decides they want to grow the perfect author. However, their experiment gets out of control–can they still keep the money while keeping his perfect author in check?

This is a fun story generating exercise–in fact, my next story project is based off my wife misreading one of the titles on our bookshelf. She saw Death in the Age of Steam and read “Death in the Age of Seitan.” After a big laugh, the more I got into the idea. What if there was a future in which eating meat not only became unacceptable, but outlawed? So I have the vision of a police detective in some rural area whose on the beat of the deer murderers. I’m still in the world building stage, and I’m also apprehensive about writing two sci-fi mystery novels in a row, but the idea intrigues me.

By the way, Death in the Age of Steam is a short story compilation including a story by Editor Ed, one of my frequent blog contributors, which is really good. There’s also another good story at the end, but it’s cyberpunk not steampunk, but the others… eh, I can take or leave it. But I’d recommend reading Underneath the Holy City. If you want more of Editor Ed, check out Predatory Practices!

What do you do to generate story ideas? What helps you build up your imagination? Let me know in the comments below!

My Superpower is Lame

18 Sep

My superpower sucks. I pass street lights and they dim slightly as I pass by. It’s not that exciting, and it’s also not consistent. I can’t even focus my superpower and make it happen on demand. It’s time to take my power and reach my true potential.

Imagine what I could do with this power if extended to the Nth degree. I could suck electricity from the grid and then shock people with it. Blow up things with several thousand volts. It’ll be pretty cool.

If comic books have taught me nothing, it’s that I must have a sensei. A mentor with equally badass power who can drive me to my full potential. The problem is I need to show a glimmer of hope in my superpower before I can draw his attention. So if I can start sparking people other than rubbing my feet on the carpet, that might be a good start.

The weakness to this superpower is that I can’t wear a watch. I already seem to drain the watch battery faster than most. It’s weird. I fear that as I reach my true potential, I’ll have to stop wearing my phone near me (or give it up at all) because I’ll have it suddenly explode in a flurry of sparks. Probably have to give up being online at all… not that that is a terrible loss. I figure if I have to give up my work-at-home gig, I can rob banks with my frightening destructive power. That should keep me going for a while. I would miss television, but there are plenty of books.

I could find a manual typewriter and still write books. Maybe hire someone with my ill gotten gains to keep running my online press… who knows? And of course, I’d get away with it because who would believe lightning coming out of someone’s hands! Might have to wear gloves to avoid accidentally zapping folks, but I figure that would be part of my training.

Anyone know a mystic sensei that could put me on the path to wealth and power? A supervillain I can be a powerful henchmen for? An apprenticeship for mutants? Let me know in the comments below!

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