Tag Archives: weird

Fantasy World Yelp Reviews

10 Oct

The Hissing Chef: 2 1/2 stars. Quaint, elf-run establishment, but turned off by the perpetual orc attacks.

Prancing Pony: 3 stars. Great beer, good entertainment. High pitched screaming by nazgul made it impossible to sleep.

So I woke up this morning with the weirdest thought – what if fantasy worlds had Yelp reviews?

Of course, it’s a silly idea – you don’t have the Internet in a D&D universe – but there are enough magical equivalents that could have a virtual bulletin board. However, once you leave the main cities, it’s not like the village of Broomfondle is going to have to many choices. You can go to the Boiling Leopard or you can sleep in the street. Gee.

So you only bother to have reviews when you have choices to make. The first restaurant reviews – Michelin – is a tire company. They made maps and reviews so that people would drive their fancy new cars and put more wear on their tires (so they could buy more tires). So you could drive from Paris to Caen and check out this “rustic interpretation of Norman cooking” without having to stay there.

Your intrepid band of adventurers doesn’t have this option. It took two days to get to Broomfondle. They’re hungry, they’re tired, they want a roof over their heads. So the Boiling Leopard is the place to go… the ONLY place to go.

Of course, I could extend this goofy metaphor to include dungeons, ruins, et al… but the point of these abandoned places is that “no one has journeyed there in a hundred years,” “No one ever returns from the Mines of Moria!” Well, then they’re not about to post: “Moria used to be a nice dwarven family establishment. Then they changed management. Goblins not friendly, rude service, had to run out of there. Will not go back.”

What you had instead was the wise woman of the village spreading rumors that she may have heard third hand from a passing bard. You know, what Facebook is today. 🙂 Actually, this shift in research really bit me in the butt once. One gets so used to Google searches that the time I played in a Call of Cthulhu game set in the 30’s, I forgot how to research! Thankfully, the game master took pity on me and suggested, “You remember reading something in this book…”

Have I beaten this metaphor enough? Have you been thinking we need to have more reviews or less reviews of things? Let me know in the comments below!

I Got a Bubble in my Ear

1 Oct

All this has happened before – and it will all happen again. For the second time in my life, I got a bubble in my earlobe. Really annoying. I know it will go away, but just like an itch, you can’t help but play with it. How the #*$& did it get there?!

After yesterday’s line crossing into controversial, I figured I’d stay on this side of the love today. Also, NOTE: Apologies if I gross you out on this post – I’m trying to use benign terms, but since I’ve worked in multiple Emergency Departments… well, let’s just say Your Mileage May Vary.

The medical term is called an “earlobe cyst,” and although that sounds serious, it’s really not. Apparently the cause is just a malfunctioning system in the skin. Dead skin cells that are supposed to shed for some reason don’t, and just like any foreign body, your skin develops a shell to isolate the skin cells and forms the “bubble.” Then the dead skin cells breakdown and form keratin (yes, the stuff that’s good for your nails), but it’s really pus, and when it releases, it’s rather stinky but not harmful. Eventually it will either be absorbed or released (“popped”), but unless it’s huge (and it’s not), it’s not a noticeable or even slight problem.

But darn, is it weird! On the positive side, it gives my fingers something to fiddle with that won’t cause any harm. Thankfully, I’ve grown out of my excessive teenage skin oil phase, so I don’t have pimples to pop (or at least, not very often, and usually on my nose). Plus, I got rid of that ingrown hair on my chin, so I can’t fiddle with that. So in some ways, it’s a blessing, because I have something to touch that it’s bad for me.

The negative side is I’ve basically got a pimple on my earlobe that I can’t get rid of. If I wanted to get rid of it, I suppose I could heat a pin and jab it, but as much as I consider myself pretty tough when it comes to pain, I don’t seek it out either. So I just have to wait it out.

For a blog post, this is not the most exciting thing I could be typing about, but it does give you an insight into my random thoughts. However, I know I’m not alone. How many people out there have had that very same problem? Have you had a similar but equally annoying problem? Let me know in the comments below! Don’t worry about grossing me out – like I said, I’ve worked in multiple ED’s (as tech support, not as a medical professional), so I can handle it!

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